"Am i good parent?"

Not long ago, we celebrated Mother’s Day. Just yesterday, it was Father’s Day.

And somewhere between those two beautiful, complicated days, I found myself reflecting—hard—on what it really means to be a parent.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve asked yourself this before: What makes someone a good parent?

Is it the time we spend with our kids?

Is it whether they feel safe, seen, heard, and loved?

Is it how often we say “I love you,” or how many events we show up for?

Is it quality time? And if so, what even counts as quality?

Some days, I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job.

Other days, I lose my cool, miss a moment, or forget something important—and suddenly I wonder if I’m failing.

So what’s the measuring stick here?

How do we know if we’re doing it “right”?

I’ve wrestled with that question for years. But especially recently.

My kids are now 15 and 12, and they’re starting to drift toward their own lives—friends, sports, independence.

And I keep wondering:

What is my role now?

To teach them? To guide them?

To simply be present?

And what about the single parent working two or three jobs, barely able to make it to bedtime, let alone basketball practice?

Does their exhaustion disqualify them from being a good parent?

Of course not. But then… how do we define it?

A Quiet Car Ride Changed Everything

Not too long ago, I had a rare chance to be alone in the car with my father.

We were driving in silence. Nothing pressing to talk about.

But then—out of nowhere—I felt something rise up in me.

And I looked at him and said,

“Dad… you were a great dad.”

He turned to me, surprised. Really surprised.

I could tell he didn’t believe it.

And to be honest…I had never told him that before.

I’ve been hard on him over the years.

I’ve criticized him. I’ve held things against him.

He wasn’t always there when I needed him.

He missed holidays. He hurt my mom in ways that stayed with me.

But in that quiet moment, all of that faded to the background.

Because I realized something I had never fully acknowledged before.

I followed up and said,

“Do you want to know why I think you were a great dad?”

He nodded, cautiously.

I said:

“Because you introduced me to Jesus Christ.

And I know Him… because of you.”

Tears welled up in his eyes.

His shoulders softened.

It was like something heavy—something decades old—lifted from his chest.

He didn’t say much. Just two words:

“Thank you.”

But those two words carried the weight of fifty years.

The Standard Shifted in a Single Moment

That was the moment I truly honored my father.

Not just with words, but with truth.

And that’s when it hit me:

The true legacy of a parent isn’t how many games they attend,

how well they provide, 

or how often they get it all right.

It’s whether they point their children to Jesus.

That’s the one standard that matters.
Because everything else—education, behavior, money, even memories—is temporary.
But knowing Jesus? That lasts forever.

How I Now Measure My Parenting

So now when I wonder, “Am I doing a good job as a parent?”
I don’t go down the checklist of performance.

I ask:
“Am I helping my kids know Jesus more deeply?”

That’s how I measure myself now.
Not by perfection.
Not by how many teaching moments I can cram into a weekend.
But by whether I am walking with Jesus…
And pointing them to walk with Him too.

I still try to spend time with them.
I still try to teach them, laugh with them, listen to them.

But the point of all that now is clearer than ever:
To help them know the One who saves.

If You’re Wondering If You’re a Good Parent…

Let me say this from one imperfect parent to another:

If you’ve ever questioned whether you’ve done enough…
If you’ve ever wondered if your effort, your love, your presence… was enough…

Remember this:

Your greatest calling is not to be perfect.

Your greatest calling is to point your children to the One who is.

That’s the only standard that truly matters.
Everything else is grace on top.

Reflection Prompt:
Have you ever told your parent why they were a good parent?
Have you ever asked yourself the same?

Want to talk about this?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share a comment below or message me privately. Parenting is sacred work, and you’re not doing it alone.